I am mad.
I am tired, exhausted. I am lost and confused, not sure of where I should go next. I am losing hope that I deserve any type of goodness in my life. Instead of being at a track meet for the 50+ youth athletes I coach, I am home in pain, physically and emotionally. Having a youth track team is difficult, mainly because of parents, organizing operations, things that are out of our control. But at the end of the day, month, year, it is more than rewarding to see the change in a young individual through the guidance you have provided. So, at the current moment, I’m frustrated and overthinking about the fact that I failed them.
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I must confess... I’ve given my life to a sport that literally is killing me and could care less if I die.
With the recent news about the professional training group Nike Oregon Project shutting down due to drug findings, Mary Cain speaking out about mental and physical abuse endured by coaches and Nike, and even the largest athletics circuit in the sport cutting events from the schedule, hopefully eyes have finally opened about the truth on professional athletics (track & field). The Olympic dream is a prestigious dream to have, anyone would kill to achieve it. Truth is, it’s nothing more than that, a fairy tale that belongs in fiction storybooks created to inspire anyone to go after dreams. Somehow, we miss the small print at the bottom that suggests the dream be anything but going to the Olympics. I’m still in pain, limited to the walls of my own room with no energy to step outside and go for a simple drive. However, with this time to be still, I’ve had a lot of time for reflection and reading, paired with tons of praying and studying.
Disclaimer: I’ve been prescribed even more medication for my headaches, so please excuse me if this may seem a bit jumbled and out of place. But here is what I’ve come to realize and hope to use in my own development moving forward. What can we learn from the Taoists about achieving inner peace (an ideal that we often link with fantasy and fiction)? Once you choose hope, anything's possible -Christopher Reeve I am in pain. I am in constant physical pain; pain that has lasted for three months.
But, if I am completely honest, I have been in pain for the past eight (8) years. If you ever wondered what my all-time favorite movie is, without hesitation, I would say Forrest Gump. A slow-witted individual who never thought of himself at any disadvantage, inspiring and saving anyone he came in contact with through his childlike optimism. However, the one person who Forrest cared about the most was the one he couldn’t save in the end; his childhood love, Jenny. |
AuthorJeremy Dodson is a Track & Field Olympian who struggles with the idea of perfection, hoping to break the barrier we place on ourselves so that genuine living can take place for everyone. Archives
October 2023
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