​​Life should be getting longer and better with the increase in intelligence and technologies, right? Unfortunately, for the first time since the 1960s, life expectancy in the U.S. has decreased, three years in a row, and looking as if four is in the making. This isn’t a worldwide phenomenon, because if it were, the life expectancy for the rest of the world wouldn’t be increasing like it currently is. The U.S. is behind in times and we are paying the price. 

​I am mad.
I am tired, exhausted.
I am lost and confused, not sure of where I should go next.
I am losing hope that I deserve any type of goodness in my life.
 
Instead of being at a track meet for the 50+ youth athletes I coach, I am home in pain, physically and emotionally.
 
Having a youth track team is difficult, mainly because of parents, organizing operations, things that are out of our control. But at the end of the day, month, year, it is more than rewarding to see the change in a young individual through the guidance you have provided. So, at the current moment, I’m frustrated and overthinking about the fact that I failed them.

​I must confess... I’ve given my life to a sport that literally is killing me and could care less if I die.
 
With the recent news about the professional training group Nike Oregon Project shutting down due to drug findings, Mary Cain speaking out about mental and physical abuse endured by coaches and Nike, and even the largest athletics circuit in the sport cutting events from the schedule, hopefully eyes have finally opened about the truth on professional athletics (track & field).
 
The Olympic dream is a prestigious dream to have, anyone would kill to achieve it. Truth is, it’s nothing more than that, a fairy tale that belongs in fiction storybooks created to inspire anyone to go after dreams. Somehow, we miss the small print at the bottom that suggests the dream be anything but going to the Olympics.

​I’m still in pain, limited to the walls of my own room with no energy to step outside and go for a simple drive. However, with this time to be still, I’ve had a lot of time for reflection and reading, paired with tons of praying and studying.
 
Disclaimer: I’ve been prescribed even more medication for my headaches, so please excuse me if this may seem a bit jumbled and out of place. But here is what I’ve come to realize and hope to use in my own development moving forward.
 
What can we learn from the Taoists about achieving inner peace (an ideal that we often link with fantasy and fiction)?