JEREMY DODSON
  • HOME
  • BIO
  • BLOG
  • Sponsored Articles
  • Portfolio
  • Store
  • MY TEAM
  • CONTACT

Control vs Direction

1/12/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
photo by Pao Sanchez
​I am mad.
I am tired, exhausted.
I am lost and confused, not sure of where I should go next.
I am losing hope that I deserve any type of goodness in my life.
 
Instead of being at a track meet for the 50+ youth athletes I coach, I am home in pain, physically and emotionally.
 
Having a youth track team is difficult, mainly because of parents, organizing operations, things that are out of our control. But at the end of the day, month, year, it is more than rewarding to see the change in a young individual through the guidance you have provided. So, at the current moment, I’m frustrated and overthinking about the fact that I failed them.
Instead of laying in head pain all day, I tried to be somewhat productive and listen to a live broadcast of the local church I attend. (Shoutout Flatirons Church)
 
Coincidentally, the topic spoke on the weak, weary, and those carrying heavy burdens. Funny how it is always perfect timing when it comes to needing a word of hope. Although, Is it coincidence?
 
Either way, it spoke on how when we are tired, we have a power waiting for us to give us this rest, a power to give us strength. Whether you believe in God or not, we can’t argue that when we try to control every aspect of our lives for our benefit is when we most feel drained and out of sync. But, when we display care for the things placed in our life, peace overcomes us automatically.
 
The overthinking, analytical mind of mine tries to control everything, so to say we are to care instead of control is a concept I am learning daily.
 
Again, whether you believe in God or not, we’ve all gotten to the point where we’ve had enough and just fell to our face in grief and distress. When you are down there, teary-eyed, frustrated, completely over it, what is it that you ask?
 
I’m confused, overwhelmed, carrying something that I know will crush me beneath soon. Is it possible that the very thing you beg for when you are at your lowest is the same thing that people need from you?
 
Healing doesn’t start happening until you decide which way you want your life to go. Something must change in you before anything can change with your relationships and life.
 
Someone offered to carry my burdens and pain with me, but the confused person I was left before she could even try. The most hurtful thing is someone saying that they are done and walking away when you most needed them. That’s what I thought she did, when really it was what I did, regretfully.
 
I tried to control situations because I thought I knew what was best, I thought I could create happiness. Instead of simply caring for this person that my heart believed was God-sent, I tried to manage the happiness, particularly, her own. I truly believed I was undeserving, and her happiness would be better suited elsewhere.
 
Perhaps the reason I believed I was undeserving was because I didn’t decide where I wanted my life to go. Admittingly, I floated through life with no direct plan of action. I did what was easy, what was comfortable. I rode the train of life not knowing what stop I wanted to get off, hoping that the end of the track doesn’t come soon.
 
Outside looking in, you could see the many accomplishments I achieved and could easily say that I know what I want in life. It wasn’t until recently where a loving friend pointed out that my accomplishments are not what define me, those are just things I did.
 
Reluctantly, I am being “slowed down” to figure out what I want from life, where I want to steer myself, of course with God helping navigate.
 
I know that I am a son, a brother, a friend, a coach. I know that I am an introvert who loves people watching. I am different, I am Jeremy.
 
What I want someday is to be an amazing uncle, friend, homeowner, neighbor. And someday I hope to be a great husband, father, faithful lover, and best-friend.
 
I am defining where I want to go in life, and I guess that’s the first step to this healing process of mine.
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
1 Comment
Sul
10/21/2020 09:12:47 pm



Aye Bruddah...I re-tweet this whole thang, so to speak! Shout out to you doing what it do, as we all navigate on this journey. When it comes to the whole control vs. direction thoughts, I suppose I’m learning patience right now. I must be from Hawaii cuz I’m free flowing with the breeze, and will ride the waves of life as they come. But there are times where, I’d wish I sprinkled a lil more control in my directional dish or forced my compass certain way...and b/c of that, I may be angry. At no one but myself. I feel the frustration. And I can’t help but want to rush those things that I truly I want (the crib, the family all $et, dat comfy comfy living) in life to existence. #InstantGratification. It’d be nice to blink it to fruition like ‘I love Genie’, but instead I’ll be more mindful daily l of the direction I want to go. And stay prayed up, cuz u already know.


Anyhow, reading this...yo, I feel ya Bruddah. I’ll have to take a page from Nip, and approach it all like a marathon. Which gon be interesting for a sprinter 👀 lol. Perhaps, I’ll work on meditating as I get through it. —correction, DIRECT through it. Until then, great words! And thank you for sharing your peace!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Click Here to Share Your Story!

    Author

    Jeremy Dodson is a Track & Field Olympian who struggles with the idea of perfection, hoping to break the barrier we place on ourselves so that genuine living can take place for everyone.

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    March 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    April 2019
    October 2018
    August 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    June 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014

@_jdodson
“Be Faithful in the small things, because it is in them that your strength lies.” 
...Mother Teresa
  • HOME
  • BIO
  • BLOG
  • Sponsored Articles
  • Portfolio
  • Store
  • MY TEAM
  • CONTACT