​It has been some time since I’ve written, rarely finding the motivation to deliver. I battled with the never-ending issue of perfection as inspiration refused to make an appearance for my wandering mind. I was paralyzed in the unknown, something I know we all felt.
 
Though, 2020 could be to blamed, right?

Before, it was a word only heard in science fiction movies when the world was taken over by walking zombies or black-eyed aliens looking to conquer earth. Now, it has become a staple in every person’s vocabulary; a word that first started as a joke, but now has hit everyone harder than expected.
 
Quarantined.

​​Life should be getting longer and better with the increase in intelligence and technologies, right? Unfortunately, for the first time since the 1960s, life expectancy in the U.S. has decreased, three years in a row, and looking as if four is in the making. This isn’t a worldwide phenomenon, because if it were, the life expectancy for the rest of the world wouldn’t be increasing like it currently is. The U.S. is behind in times and we are paying the price. 

​I am mad.
I am tired, exhausted.
I am lost and confused, not sure of where I should go next.
I am losing hope that I deserve any type of goodness in my life.
 
Instead of being at a track meet for the 50+ youth athletes I coach, I am home in pain, physically and emotionally.
 
Having a youth track team is difficult, mainly because of parents, organizing operations, things that are out of our control. But at the end of the day, month, year, it is more than rewarding to see the change in a young individual through the guidance you have provided. So, at the current moment, I’m frustrated and overthinking about the fact that I failed them.