Athletes are ambassadors for health, that is a general concept. The moment the athlete becomes a professional and goes internationally is when the athlete then becomes an ambassador for something bigger, like a sponsor, a country, and even a culture. The responsibility can bring similarities to that of government ambassadors, where the role is to bring the core ideals and principles to foreign entities.
The purpose of this writing is to clear up a misconception of who we are and our intentions. I was born in the United States to a Samoan mother. Although that makes me American, my core values are developed by the way I was raised. I was raised in a Samoan culture, a culture of loyalty, honor, family, and among other noble traits. Unfortunately, I couldn’t control where I was born, but I can control what I represent. I was talented enough to make several USA National teams, including an Olympic Team. For those that know track & field, the USA team is also known as the “hardest team to make”. The task is so difficult, that there are athletes who rank top 10 in the world and still fail to make the USA team. The team is arguably the best; therefore, the athletes represent the best. But, I never felt that representing the “best” was sufficient for my purpose, so I left. A large part of my family lives in New Zealand and Australia, so that was my initial direction. Although I would have qualified for Australia’s A-Standard Team that pays $80,000 a year, it wasn’t a great enough reason to choose them. I wanted my efforts as an athlete to provide opportunity for others, not just myself. With my unique experience and knowledge, I could become an ambassador to and for Samoa. I have reached levels in the sport that few have achieved, so it was a perfect opportunity to bring something with me, and that became the nation of Samoa. Samoa deserves honorable recognition by talented athletes, and not a pity clap for unqualified athletes. Samoa should never grace the bottom of the results list, that is not representative of the culture. It took an unnecessary amount of time to make the switch official (communication, process, etc.), so patience was practiced. However, what I lack patience for is the politics that go along with power given to elected officials who refuse to do their job. Officials (Federation Presidents, Olympic Committee Presidents, etc.) were worried that I wanted to “take” something, or possibly force them to do the work they were elected to do. Well, it’s about time work starts to be done. There is nothing I would want to “take”. Free Trips? I am an elite track athlete, sponsored by Adidas, that makes a living by racing. Out of the 300+ meets I have travelled to for competitions, three (3) of those trips have been for Samoa, partially paid by my own money. There are arguments that it is an easy way to make an Olympic Team. Alex Rose and myself qualified for the Olympics by our own merits (hitting the qualifying standards), a feat that an average of 25 athletes in the world accomplished in each event. We were one of those athletes. Samoa was no longer on the list for countries with “unqualified athletes”. There were three (3) countries in Oceania that had qualified athletes for 2016 Olympic Games in Athletics, Australia, New Zealand, and Samoa. It is not an easy task to be an internationally elite athlete, but for our efforts, we are rewarded with more scrutiny, laziness, and lack of loyalty. We don’t ask for money, but funding does aid in the process. When I hear that the best rugby team in the world pays their athletes 20WST a week, I see disrespect. No wonder they can’t live up to their full potential, because they are treated with ignorance, while the high authority steals their earnings. The goal is to create wealth for our culture. If you think that you will be rich by funneling money from your sport to your own pockets, then you don’t understand the true meaning of wealth. Sport is bigger than being famous and rich. It is about highlighting the true talents of a nation. We are ambassadors for our country. Therefore, we should be treated as such. Money spent on bettering these athletes is an investment that could enrich Samoa. Why would any team or person visit Samoa if they see how their own athletes are treated internationally? From the three (3) years I have represented Samoa, I have seen officials do nothing but get free trips, trips spent lounging in sponsored hotels while athletes eat processed food. I have seen officials get elected not off merits, but friendships. I have seen decisions being made about sports they have never attended or know anything about. I have even seen sport funding being spent on bar tabs that date back over 3 years in Apia bars! That is not the country I was raised to know. All I ask is that officials do their job, and if you can’t, step down for someone else who can. I am more than happy to find well qualified individuals that would be happy to make the change. Athletics Samoa is doing a great job, but they are only a subset of SASNOC. Athletics is not the only sport in Samoa. Prove to me that I made the right decision to represent Samoa, a country rich in culture, loyalty, and honor.
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“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” F. Scott Fitzgerald
The life of American author F. Scott Fitzgerald was misunderstood. A celebrated author of the early 1920s, his work goes on today to be one of distinguished and prestigious intellect. However, his legacy will always be coupled with his addiction to alcohol. Yet, was alcohol the true poison that led to his early death at the age of 44, or was it his sense of perfectionism and his belief that he was only as good as his last work? Fitzgerald’s most significant work, The Great Gatsby, did not receive its respective praise until after his lifetime. For an individual who kept detailed records of his daily life, you can only imagine how the perceived lack of success drove deep into his mind. A perfectionist to a fault, can we blame him for his turn to alcohol to cope? It was said that Fitzgerald could barely construct a proper sentence on paper since the “failure” of The Great Gatsby. The belief that he failed and was no longer a great writer took control of his life. The author struggled his entire life to grasp onto anything that could define who he was, looking to become the next successful author. Whether you identify yourself as a “perfectionist” or not, there is some relevance to his drive of defining his identity. However, one thing to note about Fitzgerald and the reason I chose to speak of him, was the fact that he never let his passion die. “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function (Fitzgerald)”. There is struggle with holding onto an unexplainable idea of passion in one hand, and the actual circumstance in the other. The desire to run is indescribable. Somehow, in some way, some power in the universe put me in position to be a runner (hopefully a good runner). There are so many other talents and traits I possess that can be of more ideal use, like my ability to learn topics fast, hence the several graduate degrees I possess. But the circumstances are that in this world of professional running, you are only as good as your last race. And, no matter the conditions of the situation, my last race was almost half a second slower than my absolute best, and that’s a huge difference when the race was only 60 meters long. What gives us our passion? What gives us this strong emotion that positively affects how we function? What gives us such enthusiasm and limitless energy that is almost impossible to switch off? I cannot answer that, but I can answer that those brave enough to embrace the passion never question the purpose to their life. From observation, some people would rather be practical than passionate, and merely survive than to live. Then, there are some who let their passion take over and end up doing things that challenge the norm, push boundaries, destroy tradition and ultimately reshape the world as we knew it. To go after your passion is to be deemed different. To go after the unseen parts of your heart requires a high level of bravery. Fitzgerald’s most arguably best work came decades after The Great Gatsby was published, a piece that was never completed due to his untimely death. The half-finished book amounted to be greater than all his completed works put together. The passion to write never faded, and his life was celebrated because of that. “For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.” F. Scott Fitzgerald To be frank, this is my way of expression, my live diary/journal if you may say. This is not, by any means, a lecture to anyone as how they should live their life. I am barely figuring out how to live my own life, so how should I know how you should live yours. I’ve been struggling lately to write, and maybe as a result, I am mentally frustrated. So, excuse me while I get some thoughts out so my brain can finally breathe.
This rant was pegged from a visit to the movies, and as all of you know, movies are my personal time. I enjoy movies because it’s a time when I can finally stop thinking about my own life, and escape to another. However, I recently went to see the movie “Battle of the Sexes”, the story of women’s tennis great Billie Jean King. I am a huge fan of Steve Carrol, and even more of a fan for Emma Stone, but this movie didn’t sit well with me. Not so much because the movie was bad; the movie was structured properly and told a great story. But with the recent events of NFL players kneeling, I left the theater angry rather than satisfied and recovered. Women’s right was the theme, women fighting for respect. There was a scene where the BJK spoke on the fact that women were not fighting for equality just to say they were better than males, but to show that they are equally important in this journey of life we are all enduring. This is the same for the kneel. When I walk around anywhere, I cannot help but feel judged. It is not because I have some predisposition of racism, but because it is what I experience EVERYDAY. When you hear an older woman say a simple “Thank you” to the cashier, but moments later looks right through you when you go out of your way to open the door, it is demeaning. It is the compilation of these many small acts that helps you realize that you are judged, and in some terms, do not matter. There is a feeling of having to work beyond our limits constantly just to gain some sort of feeling of mattering. It is beyond exhausting as if it isn’t hard enough to define to your own self that you do matter and you are somebody. For me, I’ve struggled, and continue to struggle to this day. Recently, I finally realized that I am just as much Samoan as I am Black, but why do I feel as if I don’t belong to either group. My skin is too dark to be accepted as Samoan and growing up, people were always perplexed when they found out I was the son of my mom. I was too black to be my mom’s son. I was a “lie”. Growing up inner city, I was placed in advanced classes because of my perceived intellect. Black kids excluded me because I was in different courses, mingling with the white kids. On top of that, I was not “black” enough because I love women of all types, and not strictly black women. Don’t we all have some sort of struggle? Why are we different because my struggle is different than your struggle? It is a sad day when we must classify and degrade other humans because the struggles are not the same. When a person declares that they have everything figured out, and how they are living is the best and only way to live, then that is clearly the signs of a complete liar. Our days are filled with nothing but insincere nonsense with people “bullshitting” their way around. And it is the “Bullshit” that ends up affecting everyone around. Now, I could be literally going crazy because I’ve missed my medical treatments for the past 7 months. (Just to reiterate, I have hydrocephalus, causing brain tumors/cysts to arise often. Medicaid is my health insurance, so you can put the rest of the pieces together from there.) But I don’t have to be in my right state of mind to recognize that something is not right. I am struggling to find the good in this world. I am struggling to find small lights of hope. Is it my “over-active” brain that is over analyzing everything? That could be the case, but one thing is certain, the presence of love has been replaced with selfish desire instead. *Just a thought: If you feel there is disrespect towards a specific symbol and intentions are being directed towards the wrong entity, then maybe you still have not received the message. Perhaps, what the symbol represents, an entire country, has disrespected them or what they believe in for far too long.* photo courtesy of Amanda Speva If I haven't been candid with you before, this is another chance to do so. I've been spreading myself too thinly recently, and it frustrates me because I want to give 100% to everything I do. I want to change the world, but want the world to leave me alone at the same time. Anyways, below is a passage from my so-called diary last night.
I internalize everything. I am constantly failing to fill my own cup. I am so analytical that I can’t even talk about my problems, because even then, I structure it so that it already solved itself. I can’t fully let go without worrying about it being wrong. Everything is so planned, that I don’t even know what is real and candid anymore. Everything is structured for social media, for the image, just so I can make a few extra bucks to satisfy my thirsty bank account. I am so worried about being wrong, that I can’t ever find the words I want to say anymore. I’m stuck in this room deep inside myself and the lock of the door is broken shut. I get so angry when people ask me to talk about my problems because I don’t know what my problems are. I’ve learned to analyze everything around me, from the movement of athletes, the aura given off in their talk, the interaction with their peers, but I fail to analyze myself. Maybe I’ve learned to analyze everything around me so to take away the attention from myself. I hate attention. I hate pictures of myself. I hate hearing myself speak. I’m scared of my own self. How does a person get to that level? I even struggle to leave it to GOD because I feel I’ve been a disappointment for not having it under controlled and figured out. I have a natural pull to help everyone, but am constantly annoyed by the actions of people. I think I love running because you have full control of what every part of your body does. However, too much control can cause the clock to read otherwise. My fake smiles have become the only thing I can do now, but even that ends up giving me tension headaches. I internalize everything so differently that it physically drains my energy. I am an introvert, but don’t get that confused with shyness. I can speak in front of thousands without any hiccups. However, the amount of “internal” energy I give to do that depletes my cup three times faster than another person. How do I know what I want to do when my mind has been compromised to put off this fake self? Who is the real me? How do I find him? Will I ever find him? Is this fake me, the real me? I’ve always said my dream life would be alone in the woods with a shotgun and a dog, having full on conversations with the squirrels and birds. I don’t want to disappear, I love to exist. But this existence at this point is not fulfilling. My cup is beyond emptied, it’s dried up and cracked. But there is always more to give…. Like my chipped pieces. I have been recently told several times that you don’t choose to be a celebrity, it chooses you. A sick twist if it chose me. But if it did, why? Having said that, I am headed to fill my cup, and maybe check out the new Wonder Woman, alone, with a large bag of popcorn, because it's not fun without one! My journey continues to World Championships in London this August. That I know is true, so I will go for it with all I have. |
AuthorJeremy Dodson is a Track & Field Olympian who struggles with the idea of perfection, hoping to break the barrier we place on ourselves so that genuine living can take place for everyone. Archives
October 2023
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